Akatsuki : On The Beach

So I Though I'll Start Creating Comedy Fan Fictions About Akatsuki :

Intro

After Long Missions And Hard Attempts Of Catching Jinchurriikis etc. 
Akatsuki Has Decided To Finally Chill Out One Day At The Local Beach 

*car stops*

*pein streches*
Pein : Aaaaah Finally We Have Arrived

*Konan Jumps Out*
Konan : Thats The Last Freakin Time Im Letting You Select The Damn Car What Kind Of An Idiot Would Select A Ferrari For A Trip I Mean How Did We Freakin Fit In The Damn Sports Car ?!

*pein blinks*
Well We Did... Atleast We Looked Cool In A Sports Car

*zetsu jumps out*
Remind me Why did i come with you guys by car ? i can just use mayfly and get here faster than tobi can say "im a good boy"

*tobi rools out of the car*

Tobi Is A Good Boy ! (super fast speech)

*zetsu blinks*

Well Ok Maybe Not That Fast...

*The Rest Of Akatsuki Members Leave The Car*

*pein says :*

Guys Help Me Unpack 

*everyone helps out and finally they are rdy to chill*

*deidara starts smirking*
Hey why don't we blow up people ? 

*kakuzu thinks a bit and then smiles*
Yeah and then lets steal their wallets while they're dead !!! im gonna be rich !!! 

*both run off*

*pein looks at kisame*

Kisame Look After Them Before They Ruin The Day...

*kisame answers*

But i was gonna swim with my shark friends **

*pein makes an evil face*

LOOK AFTER THEM OR YOU WILL NEVER SEE YOUR SHARK FRIENDS AGAIN !!!

*kisame runs off*

*Itachi says*

Im gonna go where you guys wont bother me ...

*tobi starts chuckling*

When Itachi Will Fall A Sleep Im Gonna Take Some Sea Water And... *more chuckling*

*konan looks around*

Hey where's Hidan ?

*zetsu looks at konan*

He said he's gonna stay back at HQ...
Hope he doesn't do anything stupid

*konan's eyes get wider*

Well if he does he's dead

*pein closes his eyes*
Amen...

*konan turns to sasori*

*sasori in the distance*

*konan shouts out*

What r u doing there ?

*sasori turns*

I'm doing.... nothing... yeah... nothing he...hehe...he....

*konan*
Well that was weird

*zetsu looks at the sky*
Ok so im gonna go underground this noise is making me sick

*konan tries to hear something*
What noise ?

*zetsu turns to the sea*
the SEA *dramatic music* 
*zhu zhu zhu zhu zhu*

*Explosion sounds in the distance*
*deidara's voice*

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH !!!!

*kisame's voice*

NOOOOO ! pein said no blowing up things ! and no taking their wallets !!!

*pein stands up and walks to the direction where deidara, kisame and kakuzu where*

*konan closes her eyes*
Well they're dead...

*shouts in the distance*
*konan opens her eyes and see's three figures flying far into the sea*
*pein returns and closes eyes*
AAaah peace and quiet

*SPLAAASH !*

*both open eyes (konan and pein)*

*itachi chasing tobi around*

Tobi : Toobi Is A Goood boyyy !!!

Itachi : You ***hole i'll kill you !

*Itachi finally catches tobi and gives him a good punch* 

*tobi unconcious*

Itachi : Douchebag...

*pein stands up *

Thaats It Everybody Gather Fu**in Up And Were Leavin...

*They Return To HQ after a few hours*

*Konan Looks Around*

Something Is Not Right...

*hidan runs in with a smile*

Do you like it guys ? i remodeled the place to tribute how we like god ! and i sacrificed all our prized possesions to him

Kisame : SAMEHADA !!!!

Zetsu : My Plants !

*From that day on Hidan was never to be left alone... because he needed medical attention*

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nice 8/10 don't love so much comedy but i like it it would have been funny if the akatsuki would be scared and someone would hunt them like in a horror movie that could be you're next episode )

Not bad for a first one.
Pay some attention to the spelling
7/10

lol i spell like that on purpose the 2nd serie is already created but i'll post it after some time :D

need fixes but good 10/6

good work i like it 8/10

Its obvious some guys here didnt even read it -_-
Nice job.
Its sorta hilarious,try adding jokes?
8/10

It is very awesome i like it very much and especially when deidara blow up the beach very nice 9/10

Lol that was Really funny. But you had some spelling mistakes.

Rating: 9/10