A Yu-Gi-Oh adventure

EPISODE 1

-Damn I'm so bored.What should i do?Nothing special on Tv. Maybe I should check if there is anything new in DA.

I opened the computer, opened Winap for some music and started listening Three Days Grace.Then I opened Ares and accesed DA forum.
A message apeared.
-WTF..what's this ? It looked like a questionnaire.
I started to fill it with my name and all things, some questions were very strange.After i finished it Another window apeared:
Fill this bellow
-User name:
3 best friends that know how to play Yu-gi-oh
+
+
+
I didn't know what it was for so I filled it like this:

-User name:Kira Amadeus
3 best friends that know how to play Yu-gi-oh
+Kisame Alex
+Paznicull Razvan
+Paznicull Tiby
After I finished with this, a strange light blined me, I could barelly see and a window apeared in wich I pressed ENTER.

I woke up on grass.
-I think I fainted. What is this place ? Am I dreaming?
I was a little scared I had something on my arm.On it it was written "World translater".I started to look around, there were kids like me lieing on the ground everywhere. This scared me most.
-Was I kidnapped by aliens?
At first everyone was scared but after a half an hour we started to recognize some people.I saw Alex and 2 twin brothers that looked very familiarly. I went with Alex to the twin boys and asked them if they're names are Tiby and Razvan.
-Hi are eighter of you named Razvan or Tiby?
-Lol yes how did you guessed?
-I'm Kira Amadeus and this is my friend Kisame Alex.
-Glad to talk to you face to face.Its way better then talking on messinger.
-Do eighter of you two know where we are?
-No we were going at a friend of ours when we heard a strange voice saying: "I have found you". We both heard it. It was strange ,since then we can't remember how we got here, I think we felt unconscious.
-Did any of you two recived a questionnaire?
-No,why are you asking?
-I recived one and filled it with our names.I didn't know what it was
for.
I started telling them every thing I could remember from the questionnaire.
-Beside this I can't remember anything else lets talk with the others.
-Hi do you remember how you got here?
-No, none of us does. Some of us remember a questionnaire wich we filled it and after that we woke up on the ground as you can see.
-Lets all search the aria maybe we can find anything that can remind us something or better a way home.
We started searching and 10 minutes later we found a place.
-Lol it looks like an academy from Yu-gi-oh GX. It really is DA.
Hey guys I think I know were we are.
Everyone was looking at me waiting for the answer.
-We are at Duel Academy!!

TO BE CONTINUED

TELL ME WOULD YOU LIKE FOR ME TO CONTINUE THE STORY ? YOU CAN PARTICIPATE ON IT WRITE YOUR ROLE OR SOMETHING OR SAY WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO READ FROM THE NEXT EPISODE :p
THX FOR READING

Last edited by Kira Amadeus on Fri Feb 05, 2010 10:03 am; edited 8 times in total

Lol
Good Job kira
I like it xDD
,,

TELL ME WOULD YOU LIKE FOR ME TO CONTINUE THE STORY ?

Yes Please Continue the story xD

Keep It Up `^_^`

Edit : Lol OMG i like it so much kira keep it up lol its really funny and great story

Edit 2 : Lol Nice xDD i like episode 3 Good job kira

Last edited by SaM Tisdale on Wed Dec 30, 2009 6:25 pm; edited 2 times in total

People all around me started to say that they are dreaming, that this can't be true. After seeing that they weren't dreaming they accepted that this was real.
I knew some of them but only by the user name Sam Tisdale,Drakon Lucian,MUFC and others.
We decided to go to the academy. When we arived there we saw a shop.
So we went there first to see if there is anyone that could explaine to us what was going on.
-Noone is here. Everyone! look a tape, there is something written on it:
"This is the answer you are all seeking"
We played the tape in the video that was in the shop.
-Dear duelists you have been gattered here for a tournament that is
held here every 10 years.Noone knows about this couse after it finishes you will all forget everythng you saw here exept the winners.
Now you will all pick a deck from the showcase infront of you, the decks have been made by
someone that half of you know, his name is Nekofjung. Every deck has a different colour so choose wisely.The tournament has special guests beside you, and they are :Yugi Mutou, Seto Kaiba, Joey Weeler,Maximillion Pegasus, Jack Atlas, Yusei Fudo, Akiza Izinski, Crow Hogan,
Jaden Yuki, Syrus Trusdale, Chazz Princeton, Zane Trusdale.They will be
using theyre own decks with some adjustments.
You wil have to be in teams of four only in the final round you'll be separated and fight each other.Each team will have a captain that will choose the colours of his team decks.

Then we realized why we had to fill up our questionnaire with 3 other
names.
This adventure began to be really fun.

After the tape finished every captain started to throng at the show
case. I barely managed to pick four decks.I chosed black for me,white
for Alex,blue for Razvan and green for Tiby. I didn't know if I chosed the right colour for the twins, but they liked my choice().
We didn't opened our decks in the shop so that noone will see them so as we were heading for the exit EJ apeared and told us that he was the Chancellor campus along with Unkown, Nekofjung, Fenix and Jin.I was very surprised to see them. EJ welcomed us here and gave to everyone a key to a room.EJ escorted the four of us to our room where he told us to rest
couse tomorrow something was waitting for us.
After we got in the room we opened our decks to see what do we have.
-I'll open mine last since I'm the captain, you first Alex.
-Ok, it seems that I have a deck that characterises me.
-What did you get?
-I have a gravekeeper synchro deck.
-Your turn Tiby.
-I have a...blackwing deck.
-Razvan what did you get?
-A.. a gladiator beast deck.
-Now its my turn...I got a ...zombie world deck.
I was happy of our decks.After that we went to bed. But we couldn't sleep so we talked most of the night.

In the morning

-Guys wake up we need to see what EJ talked about.
-What do you mean?
-Don't you remember he said that today something will wait for us.
-OHH you are right lets go.
As we opened the door to leave four duelists dressed in black apeared in
front of us.


TO BE CONTINUED

Last edited by Kira Amadeus on Fri Feb 05, 2010 10:07 am; edited 1 time in total

OMG in there tooo WOHOO!!! Anywey good storry cant wait to see what happends next... and... umm i hope i you wont kill me in this story lol , i wish i could duel you there too and win that turnamnt
So hurry up give us the end!!!!

As we opened the door to leave four duelists dressed in black apeared in
front of us.
-Who are you and what do you want?
-You are not in position to ask questions.We are your doom,we are here to prove that you four are not worthy of participating in this tournament.If you lose to us you will all be dead.This is a shadow duel ha-haha-ha-haha(laughs like mandark from dexter).
Now lets begin our duels in the first 2 duels there will be singles the other two will duel in a tag duel.The tag duel consists in 2 victoies and the singles in 1 if there is a draw we will let you go.
-Ok we can do this we know our decks pretty well so who is going to go first?
-I'll go first,says Razvan.(gladiator beast deck)
-Ok.
The duel started
Razvan vs Shadow duelist 1
-You can go first since you'll still lose ))(mad laugh)
-Ok draw.
An intense duel started the shadow duelist destroyed Razvan's every plan and finaly he lost to him.
Shadow riders 1-0 Kira team
-Next to duel is Alex
Alex vs Shadow duelist 2
-You draw first.
-Draw.
-This will be like a dejavu I'll squash you like my partner did to yours.
They began the duel it was a big fight opponent was using zombie deck
but it didn't stand a chance after Alex played Necrovalley, and in 2 turns he finished the shadow duelist.
1-1
-Now for the final-tag duel
-You both did well Razvan and Alex but i'm pretty sure we will win this.
Are you ready Tiby? Then lets do this.

-I'll go first draw.
In my hand i had zombie master,heavy storm,creature swap,bottomless, sangan and trap dustshot.
I seted the 2 traps and (sangan) face down and ended my turn.
-S1 Draw! exactly as planed I summon Lyla in atk mode now..
-Not so fast I play bottomless trap hole
-Damn I set 1 face down and end my turn.
-Draw(Tiby) I set 2 face downs and summon blackwing Bora in atk mode.I end my turn.
-S2 Draw.I set a monster and end my turn.
-Draw.(I got call of the mummy). I activate call of the mummy. I special summon zombie master
-Chain s1 bottomless.
-I play creature swap s2 gets my sangan and I get krebons(which was face down). I atk your face down (sangan) and use its eff to get pyramid turtle.I end my turn.(Damn i forgot to atk with bora)
-S1 Draw.
-Not too fast i activate trap dustshoot.Return ryko to deck.
-I summon garoth and atk the bora.I end my turn.
8000-7850
-Draw I summon blizzard and use its eff to speacial summon bora in def bora and blizzard synchro(armed wing).I atk garoth with armed wing and krebons atks you directly.I set 2 cards and end.
6350-7850
-s2 You got lucky with that draw. I set 2 cards and set one monster,end.
-Draw I use mystical space typhoon to destroy a set card on s2 .
-Damn.
-Now I set a monster and atk with krebons and armed wing.
-s2 I activate mirror force.
-I end my turn.
-Draw s1 i summon ehren
-I activate solemn judgement.
6350-3925
-End my turn.
-Draw i summon blizzard use its eff to get bora and tribute it to use icarus attack to destroy s2 face down monster and trap, I flip my partners monster and synchro for goyo and atk directly, I set a card,end.
3550-3925
-Draw s2 I set a monster face down and end my turn.
-Draw I set a card face down and atk with goyo your monster (mind protector which is summoned on our side).
-Draw s1 i set a monster and activate charge of light and get lumina
to my hand, end.
-I use dark eruption to get blizzard summon him and bora use icarus, I
set some turns ago destroy mind protector and your set monster and atk you directly.
750-3925
0-3925
-Good job we made it.
Then the shadow duelists uncover theyre faces,and who do you think it was, it was Pilover, MUFC, Renji Abarai and Hamouda.They told us that this was a test that every team wen't through and we were the last that took the test and passed.Half of the others wen't home forgeting everything that happened here.

-Now there are 8 teams left,and you can go buy a new pack from the shop.
-Thx the test was hard now we have to prepare for the semifinals.

TO BE CONTINUED


i wrote this episode fast and in the next 2 days i won't write anything sry for mistakes and if this episode is boring and long

Last edited by Kira Amadeus on Fri Feb 05, 2010 10:12 am; edited 1 time in total

Cool cant wait to see what happends next, and if you need help or something pm me please.. I WANNA HELP!!!

P.S Add a girl in your story!

yeah .. add a girl ^_^... n ur story rocks... cant wait for the next chapters

I liked the story and thx for my presence in it.Besides the plot and the action(both captivating) i found the proposition(actually 2)"Glad to talk to you face to face.Its way better then talking on messinger" quite right.

-Now there are 8 teams left,and you can go buy a new pack from the shop.
-Thx the test was hard now we have to prepare for the semifinals.
-I forgot to give you something,since you apeared here with no money here you are.. as a price for passing the test.
-Ok guys lets go to the shop.
....
-Here we are.
-We'd like to buy some 4 decks.
-You can choose from the showcase.
-Since i did such a great job with black i'll pick black again.
-I'll go with cyan.
-Since I lost last time I'll pick white.
-I'll pick green.
-Ok guys now lets go back to our dorms.
...
-It's night already .
...
-Lets see what decks we got.
-I'll open mine first this time ..I got a darkworld deck .Alex your turn.
-I got a ...LS deck.I think I'll handle this deck better than the gravekeepers one.
-Razvan , Tiby your turn.
-Will open same time...ready set show..
Razvan got an amazoness syncro deck and Tiby a dragon deck.
-Now lets go to sleep.
....
Next day.
-Guys wake up I can't find my new deck.
-Neighter can us.
-Lets seach them in the room.
....
-Nothing.
-Now we're screwed.
-Lets go outside.
...
We bumped into EJ. He wanted to tell us if we have our decks couse all the other teams lost them and there werent any decks left in the shop.
-So it isn't possible that everyone lost his decks,maybe someone stoled them.
-Lets search on the island.
.....
After searching for half a day we finally found a duelist dressed in black. But he wasn't tester or friend.
-Hold it right there, we think you stoled all decks.
-You are right but I'm not the only one that stoled them. Now every team in this tournament is fighting another duelist in a shadow duel.
-How? all decks were stolen.
-You are right again but we,the shadow duelists decided to give you your old decks and if one of you wins a match with it we will give you back all your other decks elsewhere you will go home forgeting everything.
-Ok then as a captain I'll duel.
-Here is your deck.
-Lets start.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6FlX2kExGc

-Now, I won, give back all our decks.
-Here you go.
Then the shadow duelist takes his robe of..it was a girl. Then she explined that this was a test too to see if we were lucky in the first test.
-Only 5 team left in this tournament.
-5? Which are the 5 teams remaining?
-Yugi's team, Yusei's team, Jadens team, your team and my team.
-So you are in this tourny too?
-Yes we are in this tournament to prove that even 4 girls are capable to win to this game.
-So all your team mates are girls?
-Yes and don't underestimate us this duel you just one was just a test.
I didn't use my real deck.
-Ok but I hate this shadow tests, lets just all go back to our rooms and prepare for the final.
...
-Damn I forgot to ask her name.
-) your in love.
I started to blush.
-Guys stop it, lets just go to sleep the final starts tomorrow.

TO BE CONTINUED
I want to know if you like the idea of videos insted of narating them i included the girl thing
Any other good ideas will be accepted.
I DO NOT OWN THE VIDEO SRY IF THIS IS ILLEGAL ,IF IT IS I'LL NARATE THEM INSTED

Last edited by Kira Amadeus on Fri Feb 05, 2010 10:16 am; edited 1 time in total

awesome dude...your story is getting more interesting.. can't wait for the next chapters...plz.. WRITE THEM AS FAST AS U CAN ..lol

I think i'll write it tomorrow if i'm not busy or anything thx for the comment nice to see it has some fans eighter if they're 4

great one...read 1st & 2nd chapter only...KIU
i'd continue reading later

Heheh,i see my duel here ;D.Nice ,also ur story is fun.Good job

Yeeey GIRLS <3 Make them win or else >.>
LOL nice story cant wait to see next

Awesome lol
i liked MUFC Vs BK Duel xDD

keep it up kira :D

-Guys stop it, lets just go to sleep, the final starts tomorrow.
...
-Booom.
-What?guys stop with the noise some might try to sleep.
-What are you talking it wasn't us.It came from outside.
-Then lets go check.
We went outside and saw a meteor shower.
-Its so cool guys we haven't seen this before.
A meteor hited the ground 100 ft from us.
-Guys lets go check maybe its a good thing.
We went there and there were 4 shadow souls.That wanted to take over 4 bodys, we had the bad luck to go there first.So we chalenged them to a shadow duel.
-We chalange you 4 to a shadow duel, if you 4 win you can have our bodys but if we win you will never come here again.
-I'll start first. The light will bring victory to our side(ls).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klWNVyNhM_c


-I lost guys,sry to dessapoint you all.
-I'll go next with my dragon deck.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qn4znu5JFQk&feature=fvsr


-I lost,guys now all depends on you 2.
-I'll go with my amazoness.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pLy6YY0xZs


-I did it now Amadeus its up to you.
-I won't let you down.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuDWvPkTuiE


-I lost this can't be happening.
~Your bodys are ours now hahhhhahhahah!!!
....
-WHAAA!!Where am I? guys wake up I think I had a nightmare.
-I had one two we lost our bodys.
-Thats our nightmare too.
-Lets look outside.
-No meteor shower.So we must be fine.
We went back to bed,but we were afraid that something might happen to us.
...
-Guys wake up its morning and the final awaits.
We woke up and wen't to search EJ so he can tell us about final round.
...
-Hi EJ now what will happen in this round?
-Every team will have to split up and will fight each other.
-Damn I was afraid of this.
-There are 20 duelists.So there will be 10 single duels.Better prepare your selfs.This round will start at 1 pm so go eat and prepare your selfs.

TO BE CONTINUED

Last edited by Kira Amadeus on Fri Feb 05, 2010 10:18 am; edited 1 time in total

O.o A meteor crashed at 100m from where you wore. Im surprize you guys are still alive...
Wohooo Cyberdarks won, Go cyberdarks!!!! <3

nice story dude... keep it up

P.S.:AT THE VIDEO PUT THE SOUND AT MINIMUM SRY FOR THIS.



-There are 20 duelists. So there will be 10 single duels.Better prepare your selfs. This round will start at 1 pm so go eat and prepare your selfs.
.....
-I'm full. Guys I think we are late its 1:30 pm.
-Lol time runs fast when you eat ).Lets hurry maybe we didn't missed our turn.
......
-And now first 3 duels are finished!!
-Lol we missed 3 duels this might be bad.
-Hey EJ what happened? sry we are late.
-No problem but I was about to DQ you. But since you are here there's no need.
-Who dueled ?
-Here is the list with the teams:
1 Yugi Jaden Yusei Amadeus Alexa
2 Kaiba Zane Jack Razvan May
3 Pegasus Chazz Crow Tiby Luna
4 Joey Syrus Akiza Alex Alexis

-So the headlines are the captains?
-Yes.
-So Alexa is her name :D.
-Which were the first three matchups?
-Alexa vs Akiza -->Alexa
Kaiba vs Zane -->Kaiba
Chazz vs May -->Chazz
-Cool she passed. Now whose turn is it?
-Atention please next duel will be between
Yugi and Yusei
-Guys lets watch it.
....
-And the winner is -->Yugi.
-Wow didn't expect this result,very nice match.
-Next match is:
Tiby vs Crow
....
-Winner is Crow.
-Damn Tiby see you home brother.
-Next match:
Razvan vs Pegasus
...
-Winner is Razvan.
-Congratz bro you did well.
-Next:
Alexis vs Jack
....
-Winner Jack.
-Next:
Joey vs Alex
...
-Alex wins!!
-Congrats bro you did well too I'm the only one left.
-Next
Syrus vs Luna
...
-The winner is Syrus.Now for the final duel of this part of final round
Amadeus vs Jaden

part 1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04T8-uxPJP4&feature=related


part 2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ViMasX1TQs&feature=related


-And the winner is Amadeus.
-I made it.Thx Jaden for the duel.
-Now i'll announce your next opponents:

1 Kaiba vs Razvan
2 Chazz vs Alex
3 Syrus vs Alexa
4 Yugi vs Crow
5 Jack vs Amadeus

-Damn this round is getting harder and harder.
-You're right hope we make it.
-Duelists!! may I have your atention ? Tomorrow we'll be holding the next match ups, so sleep and prepare your selfs.Now you can go to the shop to recive a new deck you can use any of the 3 decks you all recived in this tournament.Good luck.
-Alex,Razvan lets go to the shop.
....
-I'll pick a green deck.
-I'll pick a blue deck.
-Then I'll pick white again.
-Lets go to the dorm and rest.

TO BE CONTINUED

Last edited by Kira Amadeus on Fri Feb 05, 2010 10:20 am; edited 1 time in total

ohh dear.. i didnt notice the P.S ...-_-.... anw..a nice story as always..its getting more and more interesting

-Lets go to the dorm and rest.
....
We were only 10 duelists left and we all wanted to prove our skills.
For the 3 of us left, it was a dream come true to duel face to face with such great names, we also felt sry that Tiby lost and had to go home.
So we opened our new decks and prepared some strategies for our duels.
...
-Now we're ready its 5 pm lets go at the arena and duel.
-Gl to all of us.
....
-Now first game is Kaiba vs Razvan. Get in position...,ready,set,start duel!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uMYITu-0rA

-And the winner is Kaiba.
-Razvan don't worry you gained experiance. Will talk after i come home.
-C ya guys, Amadeus win this and tell us all when you get home.
-Next duel Chazz vs Alex. Get ready,set,duel.



-Winner is Alex.
-Good job Alex and nice combo,you showed Chazz who's the boss ).
-Amadeus win your duel and maybe we can fight in the final.
-Sure buddy I'll do my best.
-Next Syrus vs Alexa.


-And the winner is Alexa.
-Wow she's good.
-C ya in the final, this is my true power .
-She's so sexy and ...
My face turned red and she started to smile.
...
-Next match Yugi vs Crow.

-Yugi is the winner.
-And now final duel Amadeus vs Jack.

-The winner is Amadeus.
-Wow I'm surprised I won vs such a tought duelist.
Duelists left:
Amadeus
Yugi
Alexa
Alex
Kaiba
-You are 5 duelists left so one duelist that lost can come back.
The duelist will be picked randomly....
And the 6th duelist is:Jaden....Next duels.
Yugi vs Alexa
Kaiba vs Alex
Jaden vs Amadeus
-First duel Alexa vs Yugi.
..
Alexa dueled Yugi with all her power and finally won with 0-50 lp.
-WOW you did it Alexa you won vs the king of games thats a miracle.
~Yugi: Your hart is strong and that will bring you victories.
-Next Kaiba vs Alex.
...
-And the winner is Kaiba.
-Alex you fought well .
-Yea i was about to win but his deck was to powerfull thats why i can't
win in the game eighter.
-Cya home or at school.
-Gl in the final.
...
-Now the only duelists left are Amadeus, Kaiba and Alexa. You will duel each other once,the duelist with less wins takes 3rd place in this tourny. First Alexa vs Kaiba.
......
-Alexa wins now Kaiba vs Amadeus.
....
-Amadeus wins.And now the final duel Alexa vs Amadeus this will decide
the winner of the tourny, you can both change decks.
-Start your duel.
...
The duel was quite intense, each time I had a plan she ruined it and each time she had one I ruined hers, but after a while I managed to give her 7500 damage, seeing that she couldn't win she activated Self-destruction button.
-In the hystory of this tourny no draws have happened. So you both will have to share 1st place meaning Kaiba is second. You can now go home remembering everything that happened here,and here is a Medal.
He broke it in 2 each of us having one half to remember this and each other.
.....

After a weak my friends didn't belived any word i said about the tournament and they started to say that I was dreaming.
I even showed them the medal but they said i got it from a Snax with surprizes. I started to belive what they were saying but the next day my neighbours moved away and someone else moved.They had a doughter.
I was curious to see who she was and then in front of my eyes was Alexa
smiling . First I tought it was just coincidence. Then when I saw her half of the medal I showed her mine and asked her out.

THE END
MAYBE THAT WAS MY REAL PRIZE )
HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED IT EVEN IF IT WAS A LITTLE BORING NOW GIVE ME A
FROM 1 TO 10 A NUMBER FOR THE STORY AND DON'T LIE IF YOU DIDN'T LIKED
IT :p

Last edited by Kira Amadeus on Fri Feb 05, 2010 10:24 am; edited 1 time in total

LOL nice end!

nice dude...u deserve a 10/10 ...

thx i apreciate your kindness

LoOooL!!
Great End xDD
i love it so much kira
thanks alot for this story i really appreciate it buddy
10/10
Keep It Up

Last time on my adventure:
"After a weak my friends didn't belived any word I said about the
tournament and they started to say that I was dreaming.
I even showed them the medal but they said I got it from a snax with
surprizes. I started to belive what they were saying but the next day
my neighbours moved away and someone else moved in. They had a daughter.
I was curious to see who she was and then in front of my eyes was Alexa
smiling . First i tought it was just coincidence.Then when I saw her half
of the medal, I showed her mine and asked her out."
End

After 1 year:
Our relationship was great we hanged a lot together, even if we weren't
close we would have talked at the phone all day long.
Our celebration was coming up, one year since we were together.I didn't know
what to buy her. I couldn't sleep, so I thought of something really cool.
The Next Day:
-It's morning , I'm going to stretch a little.Since my sister is at my grandma
and my parents are at work.I'll go and buy something special for Alexa.
I went to a jewelry shop and picked something special.Then I came home and called
her on her mobile to invite her at my place , but she wouldn't respond.So I wen't personally
at her place to see if she's home.
Her mother opened the door.
-Hi madam,is Alexa home?
-Who is Alexa ? I think you have the wrong adress.
-You have to be kidding me.Don't you have a 18 year old daughter?
-No, I don't. I have to cook for my husband, so I think you should leave.
-Ok, sorry to bother you.
In that moment I was really confused. I didn't know what to do so I slaped my
self a few times thinking that this had to be a dream. But nothing happened, I was awake.
I looked at my phone numbers but a few of them disappeared.I went at my pc to look at my
friends group, in messenger, as expected some weren't there.
The ones who were missing were:Alexa,Alex,Tibi and Razvan. I went to Alex's house to see
if he is there.
But same thing happened like at Alexa's house.Then I remembered that the only connection
they had between them is that we all participated in the yugioh tournament at DA.
I waited all day and at 12 pm I logged in DA's forum hoping that I could get an answer.
And a window apeared different than the one I saw 1 year ago.I completed it and woke up at DA.
-Wow, I did it again .This place is empty ,were is everybody?
-Heloo!!
-Heloooo!!
All I could hear was my echo. So went in DA. The place was like a desert,noone was there.


To be continued

Last edited by Kira Amadeus on Wed Feb 03, 2010 6:38 pm; edited 3 times in total

Ok, ok you guys have been saying how nice the story is, it is nice yes, but your not focusing on what really matters. I hope you don't find my criticism harsh, but here goes.

First, your Voice was pretty bad, not because you lack talent or because you are bad, but because you have a huge number of grammar and spelling mistakes which really hindered your story. Your story is creative, and the plot is good, your a good writer, but your a long shot away from writing a complete story in English.

I liked the whole story, but to fix the errors, why don't you put everything in Microsoft Word again(if you have a PC), and use the grammar and spelling check, that would fix all the errors in your text which you didn't notice.

By the way, I know your writing it for fun and not writing seriously, I can tell because you didn't care about capitalization after a period, or even capitalizing the 'I's' and the 'I'm'-s.
If you want the story to be way better, not the content, but the structure, mechanics etc. then use Word to correct your mistakes, or any other software.
And, AVOID using slang, like 'WTF' or 'Helooo', it really kill whatever mood the story was or is setting. It's nice to add some comedy into a story, but not every few sentences. And not using slang, always use word which are in the Dictionary
By the way, avoid creating a dialog via:
-(whatever a person says)
And use ''Hello, what's up. Something something,'' someone said.
It looks more professional and more serious.

Ok thx for your comment but my word is in romanian and when i press F7 nothing happens so i'm doing my best couse i try sometimes to check some words on google translate and english is my second language .I am happy you liked the other things.

P.S. I made the "i" big and corrected some mistakes couse some words ment something else.

Last time on my adventure :

"I waited all day and at 12 pm I logged in DA's forum hopping that I could get an answer.
And a window apeared different than the one I saw 1 year ago. I completed it and woke up at DA.
-Wow, I did it again .This place is empty ,were is everybody?
-Heloo!!
-Heloooo!!
All i could hear was my echo.So went in DA.The place was like a desert,noone."

I was asking my self where could everyone go. I started to search in the entire DA but nothing,
so I went outside to search on the island.
After an hour of search, I got to the Abandoned dorm. I was a little scared, but I took courage
and went inside.
"Anybody there?" I shout. But no response. So I shouted again.
"We are down here, please help us!"
The sound came from the basement. I went as fast as I could. Everyone from DA was locked.
So I let everyone go. They started to talk all at once and I couldn't understand anything.
Then Chancellor Sheppard came out of the crowd.
"I'll explain this on the way back to Duel Academy, now we have to get everyone there safe".Said Shepperd with a smile on his face.
After 30 minutes, we got back to Duel Academy with everyone, but something seemed strange.
"Now Amadeus, follow me in my office."Said Shepperd while walking quickly to his office.
"What is going on Chancellor Shepperd, what is with this mess."
"Everything started when Jaden Yuki graduated. At first nothing bad happened,Syrus, Alexis, Chazz, Bastion, and other of your friends graduated." Said Sheperd while looking on some files.
"But then five duelists apeared and wanted to destroy Duel Academy" Said Shepperd nervous.
"Of course all the duelists arround here opposed and started to duel them. They said, they tought this place was full of strong duelists, and that they were wrong."
"After they beaten all our duelists, they locked them in the Abandoned dorm's basement and came after me."
"But before they even got to the door I pushed the button that gives an alarm to those who gratuated at this Academy."
"When did you pushed the butoon? " I asked.
"A day ago so they will arrive any time."
"At first, when we heared you, I tought you were one of the graduated duelist from here."
"So you were disappointed to see me ?" I asked sad.
"No I wasn't, in fact I was really happy to see you, one of the winners of our last turnament."Said Shepperd with a smile.
"So were are your other friends that joined you in the last tournament? " Asked Shepperd curious.
"I don't know they dissapeared from my world and noone remembers them, not even their family."
"Thats strange, so you think it has something to do with what happened here?" Asked Shepperd thinking.
"It might couse the only connection between them was the tournament and me."
"How does these five duelists look like?" I asked.
"We didn't saw their faces, they all weared Masks." Said Shepperd.
After a few minutes we heared a bang, so we rushed at the explosion.
In front of us were the five duelists wearing strange Masks.
"Who are you, and what do you want?" I asked.
"We want you to join us and rule the world." Said their leader wich was in front of the other four.
"I will never join you, and I will never hurt the people I care of." I said shouting.
"Too bad then we'll have to beat you in a shadow game, that way you will surely join me like your friends over here."Said the leader while he took the Masks of the other four duelist.
"What did you do to them?" I asked nervous.
"They were hard to convince, since they didn't want to join eighter, but after I beated them, I brain washed them.
And that is what I will do to you too, after I win." Said the leader confident."

To be continued

Wow, great job Kira! The difference in the English is huge. All the mistakes have really decreased, keep it up