Death note, Fan Fiction

Well since Kira is going to stop writing his FF I decided to make my own Death note FF, read it and if you don't like it i will stop making it.
This is a continuation of Death Note, after Light's Death.


Chapter One: A brilliant Mind.

In the news it was said that Kira was dead, the people couldn't believe they were somehow happy and sad at the same time. The world started to be like it was before Kira started his judgement, The criminal rate started to become higher.

-Kysara I'm going to school, Good bye.
-Okay, be carefull Sant.
-I will be. *My mother still thinking that i'm 5 years old*

Sant closed the door, and started to walk, suddenly a guy kicked him in his face and take his backpack and started to run.

-I... Hate this world. If the stupid police had not captured Kira this wouldn't happen, why people is so stupid?

In the Shinigami world, Ryuuk started to laugh and said in a loud tone:

-Finally !
-What happened Ryuuk? Asked another shinigami.
-Nothing, I'm going to the human world. Good bye.

All of sudden a note drop out from the sky and fall just in front of Sant.
Sant picked it up, and shout.

-What the hell you are?
-I'm a Shinigami, and my name is Ryuuk.
*How it's possible that Shinigamis exist?*
-And why are you here?
-You are now the owner of the Death Note, till you have it I will be with you.
-And what it does the Death Note.
-It was the "weapon"... that Kira used to kill.
*... How this can be happening, anyways..*
-I don't want it.
-! Huh?!
-Kira was captured, so i suppose that the police knows the existence of the Death note, if I started to use the Death note the probability's of I being captured are too high's to take that risk. And don't think that because it was the wwapon of Kira i would take it, I don't admire Kira, it's the opposite, I think that he's just another looser, he lost the game.
*Laugh*- You really are perfect. *Laugh again*
-What?
-You know, that the original Kira also know as Yagami Light, went to heaven...
*This, is perfect!* *Laugh to his inside* (Sant)
-Okay, Ryuuk... I will take the death note and make this world Perfect!

End of chapter 1.

Last edited by L on Sat May 16, 2009 3:22 am; edited 1 time in total

who is sant couse i can't remember all characters if is Light's sister then she wouldn't accept the death note thinking of what happened becouse of it couse the death note brought dead in yagamy family Light and his father died becouse of it if the note wouldn't have existed there wouldn't be fammily loses and you have some minor mistakes in writing so a 7/10

Sant is a 15 years old genius boy, His not family of light, did i say that ?
You will understand in the next chapters.

ok when will it continue ?

Not so bad... I would like to see the other chapters to, I'm a big fan of literature. I'm a good writer myself, working on a Novel.

But, you have numerous Grammar mistakes, and you cannot alternate between the First-Person Point of View, and the Third-Person point of view in the same story, chapter at least.

Well unkown,
First what you wanted to say is Extern narrator to intern narrator.
There's nothing called "First-Person Point of View" The existing points of view are : Extern, intern and omniscient.
And even i don't changed the type of narrator, because it's a conversation.
And if you say for this : *How it's possible that Shinigamis exist?* Im saying what he thinks.
And yes, i know that i have a lot of grammar mistakes (like you when you write grammar with caps ^^) but that's cause english is my third language i started to learn it recently.Anyways sorry for them(grammar mistakes) i'm going to try to avoid them a little ^^. And it will not take long time(the second chapter)

You have a lot of mistakes, but the chapters themselves were interesting.

Rating: 9/10

ummm...
if i would make a death note story i would use something like this to start it *sorry for my bad eng* :

After 2 year since yagami died , everyone knew about , criminals number became biger and biger , PPL started to feel that they ham mistaken by capturing Kira , until the day came :

- a guy with his sister was walking in the forest ...
*the guy falls down when he stumbles by a rock , his hand touches a piece of paper , then he feels something wierd inside him*

- the guy looks around and sees 7 more pieces ..... etc

[that piece of paper was buried by yagami , so he can lose his memory then he becomes able to bring it back again]